Not Funny

Preparation

"Christ it's hot out," he muttered to himself.

Sweat dripped down his back, soaking his suit. The suit was stifling at best, and in this weather, he might as well be wearing a parka. The sun broiled his back as he leaned into the trunk of his car, getting his gear ready. He mentally ran through the things he needed for the job, checking each exotic gadget off his mental list as he stuffed it into his bag.

He wasn't too worried. He had done this so many times it was old hat, but as always, he couldn't help but feel a modicum of dread at the upcoming hour of his life. Once he went in there, the world would turn upside down. All the screams and the yelling. He shuddered. There are some things a man can't ever get used to.

Sighing, he fumbled with a piece of latex, twisting and manipulating it. The finished product was crude, but it would work. As soon as the door to the house opened, he would use this to disarm the person at the door. Funny how something so simple would make the rest of the job so much easier, and by extension, make it a lot easier to get paid. Hell, he might even get a little extra if he impressed them enough. He stuffed it into his pocket.

Always keep your clients happy, he thought. In his line of work, he relied mostly on word of mouth, and one bad job could ruin him in a town this size. If his reputation was destroyed, he'd either have to start again in a new town or he'd have to go back to delivering pizza, and that was just not an option. He was a self-made man, and even though he sometimes had to act the fool to keep his clients happy, at the end of the day, he was his own boss, and he never had to take a job he didn't feel comfortable taking. He was not a rich man, but he was satisfied.

He checked his watch. It was just about time to head in. He pulled his bag out of the trunk. The bag felt heavy. He briefly thought about getting back into shape, but that thought was gone as quickly as it appeared. He reached out to close the trunk and stopped himself. Getting sloppy, he thought, and grabbed a pair of gloves from the trunk. He slipped them on.

He closed the trunk, picked up his bags, and headed up the walkway to the house.

Colorful balloons and streamers decorated the front door. He smiled. Time to get this party started.

His hand reached out the to door, but it swung open before he could touch it. A middle-aged woman stood in the doorway looking at him. She screamed.

"Oh my god, kids!"

A herd of children stood behind her and went into hysterics at the sight of him.

He put on his biggest smile, and a balloon in the shape of a flower appeared in his hand as if by magic. He handed it to the woman.

Turning to the children he said, "Hi kids! It's me! Zoinks the Clown! And today we're going to have the bestest birthday party in the whole world!"

All the children cheered, and everyone had a great time at the party.

Except for little Jimmy who got molested in the bathroom while everyone watched Zoinks make balloon animals. But that is a story for another time.