October 1, 2008 - First One Woohoo

Cold Wind

Cold wind blew in from the ocean so Ed had the beach to himself. The solitude satisfied him. He wanted to be alone, and the chill overcast sky and the desolate beach felt like the perfect place for it. During the summer, the sand bristled with bright colors and smiling faces, a happy setting for happy people. But Ed was never happy anymore, and this grey place was his perfect purgatory.

His eyes squinted against the almost freezing gusts as he stared out into the water. The ocean was massive in a way his mind had trouble understanding. The waves stretched out forever until it met the infinity of the sky on the horizon. The sheer size of it overwhelmed him for a moment, and Ed thought about how much the ocean resembled his pain. His hurt was vast and deep, and he felt like it went on forever. His misery was ever-shifting, ebbing and flowing, and it felt like a force of nature against which he was powerless.

With shaking fingers, he lit a cigarette, shielding it from the wind with his body. He was cold, but the chill invigorated him. Every gust of wind on his skin made him feel alive and real. He breathed in deeply, relishing the smoke and the cool air in his lungs, and as always, Ed’s thoughts returned to her.

Anna was the most beautiful woman Ed had ever known. She was so beautiful that the word “beautiful” itself lost all meaning in relation to any other thing in the world. Beautiful was her word, her adjective. Her eyes were dark pools of eternity, and time had no meaning when she looked at him. Her skin was polished marble, carved by the hand of an ancient master.

And the day Anna had told Ed that she loved him was the day his life began. Every day before that, he had never really existed, and with her love, he was finally born.

Then Anna got sick. She faded into nothing, and then she was gone. And Ed was a walking shadow once more. The blood in his veins froze, and his heart was a dead piece of meat in his chest. She left him empty inside, and that emptiness ached.

Ed had gone to see her at the funeral home. She was beautiful in death, surrounded by silk and flowers. Her skin was cold, but Ed half expected her to sit up and smile at him and make everything alright. If the dead could be resurrected by sheer force of will, Ed knew his love could bring her back and breathe life into her the way she had breathed life into him. But she didn’t come back.

Anna was cremated. Her ashes were spread in the ocean at the very spot where Ed stood. He felt close to her here, in her final resting place. The wind on his cheek was her cold touch from beyond death, and the sound of the waves was her whispering in his ear that she still loved him.

The rest of the world held nothing for him anymore. He sat and watched and tried to make sense of it all. He didn’t believe in God, but he wanted to, if for no other reason than to have someone to hate, something big enough to take all of his hate.

His friends were no help. They had tried their best to be there for him, but their laughter held no joy for him. He just missed her even more.

So he stood on the beach, and he missed her. With every fiber of his being, he missed her.

Ed stomped his cigarette butt into the sand and prepared to light another one. He placed the cigarette between his lips and paused. The world had gone still around him. The wind was still blowing but everything was silence. The waves parted and a slim pale figure arose from the waves. She was radiant.

Anna had come back to him.

Ed ran to her. The frigid water chilled his bones, but nothing mattered except her. Anna held out her hand, and Ed took it. Without a word, she walked back into the sea, and he followed.

The water engulfed them, covering their heads, but still they walked forever into the dark ocean.